You've read all the long-winded analyses. Now, get the poop on the NHL's first round winners in the form of Japanese poetry called Haiku.

The experts have killed thousands of trees, both real and virtual, in assessing the chances of the 16 teams that will be vying for Lord Stanley’s blessed beaker this spring.

They’ve looked at things like team speed, toughness, special teams and goaltending. Statistics have been trotted out to bolster every possible argument. Injury lists have been scrutinized, water bottles sniffed, DNA tested and rumours mongered.

But in this fast-paced world in which we live, who really has time for all of that? Some of us lead busy lives. We want to know what’s what; it’s just that we’ve got other things that need doing.

So here, as a service to those too busy for serious analysis, are the pithiest predictions for the first round of the NHL playoffs that you’ll find anywhere. That’s because each series is predicted in the form of a haiku, a form of Japanese poetry consisting of 3 lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively. You don’t get much pithier than that.

Western Conference

(1)Detroit Red Wings v. (8) Nashville Predators

Good old Hockeytown

Too many Europeans?

Too many for Preds

Translation: Preds push back a bit, but Wings win it in a walk.

(2) San Jose Sharks v. (7) Calgary Flames

Flames primed for upset

Not so fast. Sharks have big bite

Thornton and Nabokov

Translation: Flames took 3 of 4 from Sharks during the season. That won’t happen again.

(3) Minnesota Wild v. (6) Colorado Avalanche

Wild big and hungry

Avs no pushovers. Diff’rence?

Theodore in goal

Translation: All things being equal, the Avs’ red-hot Jose Theodore trumps Niklas Backstrom.

(4) Anaheim Ducks v. (5) Dallas Stars

Stars like to check hard

Ducks score less than chess club nerds

Dull? Yep. Ducks in 6

Translation: Defending champs unlikely to repeat, but they won’t go down this early.

Eastern Conference

(1) Montreal Canadiens v. (8) Boston Bruins

Price is right for Habs

Bleu, Blanc et Rouge high end team

No sale for Bruins

Translation: Montreal usually has Boston’s number in the playoffs. Says here they will again.

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins v. (7) Ottawa Senators

Sens shed many tears

Injuries, paranoia

Pens care not, stomp hard

Translation: Injuries and conspiracy theories won’t cut it in Ottawa when Crosby, Malkin and the Pens put the boots to them.

(3) Washington Capitals v. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

Ovechkin, Yowza!

What a player, give us more

Should shred Philly D

Translation: Wishful thinking, perhaps, but who doesn’t want to see Ovechkin keep going?

(4) New Jersey Devils v. (5) New York Rangers

Jersey always tough

But Broadway Blueshirts good too

City knocks out ‘burbs

Translation: Rangers have a little more balance up front. A couple of extra goals should see them through.